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Mace Windu
Mace Windu, also known as Shaft Windu, Zeus Windu, , is the baddest motherfraker this side of the galaxy. He was a rapper and gang member his entire life. He recorded two singles, including his own version of Ewok Gangsta Rap. He was killed in a gang fight by traitor Mannequin Skywanker. Or so we all thought, as the Decepticon Zarack secretly saved him from his long fall. After the death of Zarack, Windu broke out of his prison and went on the run. Biography Early Life Mace Samuel Leroy Jackson Windu was born in D.C. in 72 BBY to parents Leroy and Elizabeth Windu, street performers who sang Jimi Hendrix songs. They lived in an apartment with one room, no plumbing, no water, and non-stop air conditioning, even in the winter. This meant unhealthy living conditions and a high electric bill. That also meant that at age nine, Mace was working in the streets as a rapper. Although his dad's new pimp career failed, Mace's didn't. He had a new calling, rapping in the streets so his family wouldn't starve. Rapping and the Gang At age twelve Mace signed up for D.C.'s Street Rapper Battle and received second place and two hundred fifty credits prize. Unfortunately, this was promptly taken away by his father who used it to buy drugs to feed his addiction that he received during his jobless depression. Mace was forced to rob local groceries to help his family survive. He then joined a gang, the Jedi, lead by rapper Biggie Yoda. Their rivals were the gang, the Sith Lords. Even though he was only twelve, Mace fought in many of the gang fights receiving battle scars in places he didn't like to talk about. The next year he entered himself in the rap battle again and rapped about his troubles with the girls and drugs and the hood. For some reason this was popular and he won the one thousand dollars grand prize. This time he hid it from his father and bought food for his family. Then his gang got into a large fight and many were killed. Dookie a small time rapper on the Jedi betrayed them and lead an ambush using the "droids". The droids were small time rappers and gang members who were recruited by the Sith in massive numbers to just throw at Jedi. Biggie Yoda decided that they would fight fire with fire. The Jedi started lighting large sticks and poles on fire and used them as "laser swords". Of course it didn't work. That would never work even in a sci-fi movie, who would believe that? Next they tried recruiting the same way the Sith did and named their recruits, The Clones. This worked, and although they got their asses handed to them early on, they eventually won a few fights...and then got their asses handed to them again. While all this was happening on the sideline, Biggie Yoda was helping Mace get some studio time, and finally, when the gang war was in full blast, at age sixteen, Mace got some studio time. He sung The Ewok Gangsta Rap and one of his own freestyles. They were both accepted by Old Republic Studios and launched as singles. They did okay and Mace got some money to help his family survive because his dad died of a drug overdose when Mace was fourteen. Then the Jedi decided they needed to end the war by killing the enemy leaders. Whiny had already killed Dooku, The Hermit had killed The General and that only left The Supreme Chancellor a big time rapper who worked for Old Republic Studios but lead the Sith for fun. This pissed off a lot of Jedi because it was do or die for them, it wasn't for "fun". Mace volunteered to kill The Chancellor with Stalker, Horny, and Kolar the Mauler. Biggie Yoda shrugged and sent them on their way. Killing Glamber he confronted Glamber in his restaurant, Glamber-Sausage where he sells sausages and Glamber tried to stab him in the back with his lightsaber but it was broken and then Glamber was so angry that he jumped on top of the counter and Mace stabbed him and he fell out the window and died but his corpse was covered in poo (Mace had pooed outside the window) Death Mace and friends cornered the drunken politician in his office and Mace threatened the drunk saying "In the name of the muthafrakin republic you're under arrest..Muthafracka." the drunk turned and said in a groggy voice, "u w0t m8? I'll.. I'll kill you... beeeeyotch!" for he had drank many a beer. Mace kept threatening him as an aggressive character played by Samuel L. Jackson often does, "The muthafrackin senate will decide your fate muthafracka." The drunken Chancellor recognized the word 'Senate' and laughed as he vomited on the floor, "I am the senate. {urp} beeech." But Mace was still unamused, "Not. Yet. Mutha. Fracka." Palpatine used the dark side to become sober again when he was done vomiting and knowing he was outnumbered, thought up a diabolical plan to kill the 4 jedi. "Hey dudes, you wanna beer?" Now I don't know if any of you are 21, but if an old man asks you if you want a beer and you are 21, you tend to say yes. So the three jedi who looked like aliens went ahead and took the booze and got drunk, that way the crazy old man was able to run all three of them through with his lightsaber, the jedi were drunk so that explains their lack of reflexes that jedi are supposed to have, cause with all their years of training they should've been able to at least stand up to the guy 'cause he's like, 80 years old. Anyway, Mace Windu didn't drink Palpatine's booze, cause he's Samuel Muthafrackin Jackson and he knows if he's being played! Palpatine, his feelings hurt, rushed Mace but fell down with a bad hip. Mace yelled at him "You're under arrest. Muthafracka!" but Palpatine wasn't done yet, he used his politician witchcraft and shot blue lightning at Mace, Then Whiny came bye, at first he thought that Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain were having sex, but what he saw was just two grumpy old men throttling each other (I know, what's the difference?) Mace asked him for help, then Palpatine asked him for help, but Palpatine added the pretty please with the cherry on top, so Anakin cut off Mace's hand which meant Mace was only strangling Palpatine with one hand, Palpatine, on the other hand had a grip of 2 hands on Mace's neck and threw him out the window, his last words were obviously "DAMN YOU TO HELL MUTHAFRACKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course he could've easily just used the force to cushion his landing but that never seems to occur to anybody so we'll just say that his pride, his ego, just shattered at defeat, he just couldn't live on with the fact that a whiny, self centered bitch just bitch-slapped a total badass like him, humiliation and grief forced him down, and the truth died with Mace, his funeral was held in the building adjacent to the one his defeat came at, It was attended by Mr. T and was narrated by Morgan Freeman. Ironically, it was the last funeral before the Empire outlawed funerals in the galaxy. Rebirth The evil dick Zarack found a dead looking muvafricker on the Coruscant underlevels, along with a Hecking sick Purple poke stick. Zarack used a Cybertron crystal to bring Mace back to life, and then stored the Jedi at his base on Nebulous. Many years later, Zarack was killed, and Windu then broke out, and went in the run, later learning that his captor had died. Mace beat up some Hutts and stole their starship, using it to fly back to Coruscant, and what? Coruscant was not the capital, and the Empire was already gone? He then went to Hosinan Prime, apparently, that was the capital of the NEW Republic, but he saw it get blown to bits right before his eyes! How so? Surely Mace Windu must have some large part to play in this story? His first death can't have been, intentional? Had it?. By the time he learned about Starkiller Base, it to has already been dealt with. Quotes Also see *Final class of "Basic Mother Fracking" with Mace Windu *Journal of the Whills 25:17 Category:Awesome people Category:Bald people Category:Forms of torture Category:Galactic rulers Category:Generals Category:Humans Category:Jedi Category:Mace Category:Males Category:People with lots of names Category:Pilots Category:The rarest skin color in the galaxy Category:Ways to die Category:Greatest things ever Category:Smart Category:Killing machines Category:Coolest individual ever Category:Butchers Category:Businesspeople Category:Words of Doom Category:Things that go fast Category:Super cool dudes Category:Cool dudes Category:Word Bearers Category:Martial Artists Speedsters Category:Force-users Category:Vaapad users Category:Military organizations Category:Governments Category:Organizations Category:POWAH Category:Images of impending death Category:Darthipedia Featured Sithspawn Category:Articles of Eviltude Category:Overall eviltude Category:Forms of suicide Category:Things that make things go boom Category:Things that PWN big time Category:Things invented by Kyle Katarn Category:Things created by Kyle Katarn Category:Katarnimania Category:Superweapons Category:Things that will Destroy Your Planet Category:Brilliant Category:Havoc Category:Super-Ultra-POOWWAAAHH-Mega-Overlords Category:Things that inspired generations Category:Ultimate Holy Wrath of Kyle Katarn Category:Dead people